This Is Why I Walk

This year I'm marking a huge item off of my bucket list.  November 1-3, 2013, I will be walking in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk, which consists of walking 60 miles to support the movement to end Breast Cancer.  For many years I've wanted to participate in this amazing event and I've finally talked a couple of amazing women into joining me.  

Like many of you reading this, my life has been touched by cancer, specifically Breast Cancer, more than I care to remember.  Several of my loved ones have battled this disease and I've learned that it does not discriminate against age, race, religion, or even gender.   As an adult, I've been very compassionate about Breast Cancer awareness and I pray that some day we will find a cure.  Within the last few years, two of my aunts were diagnosed with Breast Cancer and I cannot begin to express what kind of emotional blow this was to me.  It hit very close to home, considering how young they both were and it frightened me.  It frightened me for their futures, for their husbands, children, and it frightened me for the other women in my family. 

Shortly after my aunts were diagnosed and undergoing treatment, I submitted paperwork to complete a BRAC analysis.  My doctor suggested that we do this after learning about the number of people who've had Breast Cancer on the maternal side of my family.  She explained that my insurance company might deny the request to complete the test, however, the amount of coverage provided would depend on my potential risk to develop Breast Cancer based on my family history.  The cost of the analysis could be as much as several thousand dollars, but they determined my risk to be so high that the insurance company paid 100% of the cost and suggested I take care of it immediately, so I did.  My test results indicated that I am not a carrier of the gene, however, I was advised against other potential risks that could lead to Breast Cancer.  

I maintain my passion for causes such as the Susan G. Komen Foundation because I've been touched by so many people that have fought this terrible disease and have touched my life in some way.  Whether a member of my family, an aquaintance, a celebrity, or a co-worker, each and every one of these women have impacted my life and taught me a lesson or two.  So, when November rolls around, I will walk these miles because I can and I will walk these miles in honor of the lessons they've taught me.  I will walk these miles in honors of the lives that have been lost and for those who have survived.  Everyday I thank God for the good health that I've been blessed with and for the physical abilities to pursue such endeavors as the 3 Day Walk.  

If you'd like to help this cause, consider joining my team and walk with me in Dallas in November.  If you're unable to participate as a walker, you can also make a donation to support me and the Susan G. Komen Foundation.  Click here and remember, no donation is too small - every dollar counts!

http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2012/General?px=6866407&pg=personal&fr_id=1831&s_subsrc=bfgetwordout&s_src=boundlessfundraising

Liberation

Tonight I did something that liberated me from my pre-mommy existence.  I grabbed every pair of thong panties from my panty drawer and took them to the garbage.  Damn, it felt good.  Scratch that, it felt great.  You see, every single day for the past 4 ½ years, those thongs served as a grim reminder of the shape I was in prior to pregnancy.  Before motherhood, I had the time and the firm behind to match my bra with my thong every day.  I wouldn’t have been caught dead in anything less.  Oh, how time and life can change a person.   These days I consider it a victory to simply find the time to put on a bra and panties.

After my son was born in May 2008, I lost 20 of the 40 pounds that I gained during pregnancy almost immediately, with zero effort on my part.  Since I’d never in my life had to worry about my weight, I had no reason to believe that this would be any different.  Here I sit, with my 4 ½ year old “baby” waiting for those remaining 20 pounds to disappear.  I’ve come to the conclusion that they aren’t going anywhere without a little help from me.  I don’t believe in dieting, but I believe in making healthy lifestyle changes that can easily be incorporated into my current routine. 

Getting rid of those thongs allowed me to get rid of the daily reminder that I am no longer 123 pounds and no longer fit into a size 2.  I’m okay with this.  I don’t need to wear a size 2 to feel pretty or to feel healthy, but I don’t need those teeny weenie thongs staring at my every time I open my panty drawer.  I wear big girl panties now.  They aren’t always pretty, but they serve a purpose.  One day at work when wearing a particular pair of pants, one of my male friends (who happens to be gay) said to me “Kelli Lynn, you need to wear a thong with those pants”.  I replied “Yes, I realize that would be best, however, I prefer that you see my panty line versus my butt dimples.”  This is the reality that I live in as the mother to a 4 ½ year old boy.  My priorities have shifted heavily to putting everyone, including my 3 Schnauzers, before myself.  I’m the last one to get new clothes, shoes, and a haircut.  I’m usually the last one to eat dinner and I rarely find myself sitting down to relax at the end of an evening.  I’m the one that takes care of everyone else first and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but I’m trying to find the time to make myself a priority because I deserve it.  And my family deserves the best me that I can give them, so I’m giving it a shot. 

Once I rid myself of these last 20 pounds, I’m going to buy myself new thongs.  Who says a 35 year old mother can’t wear thongs?  Not me.  If my butt isn’t jiggling, I’m going to rock those babies just like I did in my 20’s.  I don’t intend to let this aging thing get the best of me.  I’m going to get the best of aging.  This might be too much information for some of you, but I’m okay with that.  I’m a mature adult (for the most part) and I assume that you are too.   

According to my iPod

Tomorrow will be the close of week 3 at my new job and so far, all is going very well.  I'm enjoying what I'm doing, learning a great deal, and feel that I'm also becoming a very valuable contributor to my team.  I don't think I could really ask for more.  

Have you ever let someone borrow your iPod or simply look through your music selections?  This might not seem like a big deal, but it is to me.  To me, it's as personal as letting someone read my diary (if I had a diary) or seeing me in my underwear.  I loaned mine to someone yesterday and immediately I knew I had made a mistake.  10 years ago, I would have thought nothing of loaning someone my iPod (if iPods existed 10 years ago), but that was before I met my husband.  He won't hesitate to tell you that based on my iPod, I'm a total dork.  I've always considered myself to have good taste in music and very open minded considering I like a little bit of everything.  According to my spouse, the fact that I have any Celine Dion songs in my library are totally uncool.  Throw in a few cheesy 80's songs, a grand assortment from the 90's, and I'm a certifiable dork.  

Knowing that I have terrible taste in music, I'm thankful that iPods didn't exist when I was on the dating scene.  Based on my iPod, I'm a little frightened to think of who I might have ended up marrying, had compatibility been judged based on taste in music.  Can you imagine a man who likes Brian McKnight, Celine Dion, Nexxt (Next?), Boyz II Men, Montell Jordan, and Aerosmith?  Oh, I can't forget Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre.  Thank you, Steve Jobs, for inventing the iPod after I got married.  

Big changes are coming my way...

It's been a while since I've updated my blog and I apologize.  I know that many of you have been holding your breath, sitting on the edge of your seats as you waited for another installment.  Breathe easy now and enjoy.

Today, I received some long-awaited news and received a job offer.  I've been staying at home for well over a year as I searched for a job.  I was determined to find a job that I wanted versus settling for a job I merely needed.  This proved to be a difficult task, but paid off in the end.  Thankfully, I'm not settling, I'm not giving up, and I'm not taking a job out of desperation.  I've spent many sleepless nights worrying about how this journey would end and if I was being selfish by holding out for the "right" job.  All of my worrying and stressing was worthwhile for myself and my family.  

I'll be the first to tell you that I'm not the most religious person you'll ever know.  Yes, I believe in God and I pray daily.  I'm not against organized religion, but I simply haven't found one that I feel is worthy of including myself in.  This past year has been a huge test of my faith, and it's always worth it to keep the faith.  Just like George Michael said.  That being said, many cliches were proven to be true for me today: 

When one door closes, another one opens.
Good things come to those who wait.  Even if it's something more important than ketchup.
That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  
What's meant to be, will be.

I won't bore you with anymore cliches, but just remember to keep your faith and hold strong to your values, and include your head and your heart in big decisions.  Everything really does find a way of working out.

Looking Back

Hello, everyone - 

When I started this blog, I had so many ideas swirling in my head regarding the theme/idea that I should follow.  To be honest, I have a touch of ADD (self-diagnosed), so I have lots of good ideas and those ideas change from day to day, often minute to minute.  So, I'm just going to share what's on my mind.  

The beginning of a new year seems to put so many of us back on the track of doing what we feel we should be doing versus what we are doing and/or want to be doing.  So, along with reminding myself to stay away from unnecessary calories and trying to improve my physical health, the beginning of a new year always leads me to reflecting on the past.  

2002 has always been a year that has, in some way, haunted me when I think back to it.  For me, it was a year of many ups and downs, life changing decisions, heartbreaking moments, and at times, pure exhilaration.  When I look back, I realize it was the year that I officially got my big girl pants.  

2002 started out pretty smoothly, until February rolled around.  This is when things really started rolling.  The abridged version of 2002 goes something like this: 

I was laid off from my job.  I said goodbye to someone I thought I loved.  I moved from Ohio to Hawaii.  I went sky diving for the first time.  The person that I thought I loved walked back into my life.  One of my cousins and closest friends gave birth to her son and I was fortunate enough to spend the first three weeks of his life with him.  I moved back to Ohio.  I started a new job.  I was wise enough to say goodbye for good to the person I thought I loved. And to round out the end of a tumultuous year, my Grandma passed away.  

2002 is a year that I always look back on with mixed emotions, but I'm always thankful.  I realize how fortunate I am to have lived through that year and to have these memories to look back on.  All of the events I listed above taught me many valuable lessons. I learned that being in love with someone combines a mutual respect, admiration, and unconditional love.  I learned that I had not yet really been in love, as every time I thought I loved someone, there was a critical piece of the equation missing.  I learned to take chances.  I learned to always make sure the people in my life know that I love them.  And I learned to listen to my heart and always consult my head. 

I think it's important to understand your weaknesses and vulnerabilities and I certainly do.  Before 2002 came along, I believed that there were certain decisions I would never make and things I would never do.  Now I know that given the right circumstances, anyone can choose to take actions that directly oppose one's personal belief system.  I surprised myself in 2002, by showing my weakness, my vulnerability, and most of all, my strength.  

It's hard to believe that it's been ten years since that roller coaster ride.  I don't know what 2012 has in store for me, but I have a feeling it's going to be good and without a doubt, there are certainly some changes and new opportunities on the horizon.

Who Peed on the Floor?

Determining who peed on the floor seems to be a new theme at my house and there are 2 suspects.  My son or my puppy.  Both are potty and house trained, respectively, but seem to be having lots of "accidents lately".   In the last two days, both have been found guilty of peeing on the floor.  Or the Christmas tree.  The tree was easy to figure out - the puppy can hike is leg higher than the 3 year old.  (Yes, my Christmas tree is still up.  If you feel the need to judge me, go ahead, you have my permission.  Maybe this makes you feel better, knowing you have one up on me.  You're welcome.)

If you're sensing that life has been chaotic in my house, well you'd be making a correct assumption.  I used to joke that I wanted my carpet to be ruined so I would feel justified in replacing it.  Our house is only 4 years old and I felt it would be wasteful to replace carpet just because we didn't like it.  Well, now we hate it and have good reason to.  My carpet is not like Beyonce.  It's not a survivor.  It failed miserably against potty and puppy training.  It's bad timing... now I can't justify ripping up the carpets when I'm not working, so I'm living with yucky carpet.  It's made me a bigger germaphobe (did I just create a word?) than I already was.  Yuck.

I'm hoping tomorrow is a better day.  If no one pees on the floor, it will be a huge improvement from the last two days.  It could be worse, right?  Absolutely. 

Resolutions, shmezolutions...

Every year around this time, I'm feeling the need to dedicate myself to be healthier, more active, and to stop doing something that is next to impossible.  This year, I've decided to try something new.  I'm not going to set myself up for failure like I do every year.  Who wants to feel like crap come February 1st when you realize that you're not working out 5 days a week, eating more than 1000 calories, and still gossiping with your girlfriends?  I say, to heck with all of that.  I'm setting myself up with some achievable goals as a proactive approach to remaining positive for more than the first 4 weeks of the year.

You're dying to know what my resolutions are, aren't you?  Now that I've got you on the edge of your seat, I'll tell you.

1. Snack Less and replace most snacks with a healthier option

2. Be more positive

3. Work out more often 

Ambitious?  Not really, but all of the above are realistic.  Since the birth of my son, I've found myself in a position of needing to watch my weight, which is honestly something I never really worried about before I was pregnant.  That meant, I spent the first 30 years of my life on easy street, never really worrying about weight control and I realize now that it was a curse.  I'm not large now, but when you spend the majority of your life being "small", there is a certain expectation and a judgement that comes along with carrying an extra 15 pounds around.  It's no longer "baby" weight since he's 3 1/2.  It's just weight.  If I had known how hard it would be to lose weight after being pregnant for the first time at 30, I think I would have had a baby at 15, when my metabolism was high and I had twice the energy I have now.  Plus, the required gym class in high school would have been perfect. 

So, resolutions 1 # 3 center around me trying to become a better me.  Closer to the person I was before I became a mom.  Only the physical part, however.  Being a mommy changes who you are internally forever and I'm very much okay with that.  I just hope to shed a few pounds, tone a few muscles, and someday, rock a pair of leopard pants again.  That's right, I said again. 

Whatever your resolutions are, I wish you luck in keeping yours!